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If
you are considering adoption, or have recently adopted, bookmark this
page. You will want to hear what I have to say.
Somehow, we knew we would have to overcome our
children's intense attachment issues or our family life would be over.
Period.
Advice
is abundant from therapists, caseworkers and people who have never
adopted. You need advice from someone who has been there. We have been there--we've
gone through the interviews, we've done the home study and have been
placed with children suffering from severe attachment issues.
We
have overcome tantrums, lying, violence and aggression and indifference
to love in the last four years and want to connect other parents and
prospective parents with the information they need to be effective too.
From: Sandra Nardoni
Date: 6-9-2010
"Early
on in the eight month transition period to get our kids, we knew
something would have to give. We also knew if we could survive this
experience and help our children heal, we would have the opportunity to
reach out to other parents like us."
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Hi, I'm Sandra Nardoni, mother of
three children, two of whom were adopted from the foster care system
nearly three years ago. Our journey with them started long
before their adoption day however, and the real story happened in those
crucial transition months, when we were sleeping on an air mattress
outside their rooms to keep them safe. More on that in a
minute though...
Have
you been considering adoption but you aren't sure which route to take? Maybe
you want to adopt but are concerned because you've heard that adopted
children often suffer from attachment issues that do not seem curable. Perhaps you have already adopted
but are wondering if you can live with the severe behaviors you
struggle with every day.
We
were once just like
you--wondering what would happen
if we adopted "hard to place" older kids but knowing our family
couldn't handle the yo yo of getting babies from foster care that we
may have to give up after years of investment.
In
addition, we heard from friends who had adopted babies from overseas
(which we decided we couldn't afford) that even young children and
babies who were adopted could turn out to have attachment challenges.
After months of
agonizing over what we should do, we
decided
to sign up for foster care
classes. We still had a lot of questions.
* How much would adoption through foster care cost?
* Could we adopt without having the stress of keeping children who may
end up not being available for adoption?
* Could we handle older children and if we decided to go that route,
how would we discipline children with severe behaviors?
* Since we homeschooled, would we be allowed to home educate our
children while they were still in foster care?
When we finally
made it to the
other side of our adoption journey we realized we had come out of our
experience with information we wished we had had in the beginning.
Knowing
there had to be other families out there like ours, we
decided to write a book about our
journey through foster care and adoption that would be an encouragement
to adoptive families while also giving a good overview of what to
expect for families considering adoption.
In the midst of our darkest moments
I knew if I could figure out a way to reach my kids--to help them give
and receive love--we'd have a story that could give hope to others.
I knew our pain could be turned into something positive.
Maybe you are already in
the
trenches and
you are living with traumatized children every day. Maybe
you
are just getting started on the adoptive journey and are wondering what
your options are.
-
You don't have the
money for a
private adoption
-
You have no idea how to
get
started in foster care (or if it is even the right choice for your
family)
-
You have your foster
care
license but don't know how to be proactive in getting a placement
-
You have a biological
child that
desperately wants siblings that you cannot give him
- You
have already adopted but are struggling with attachment problems or
severe behaviors that typical parenting advice and counseling hasn't
helped
We
Learned From Our Experiences and Want to Share it with Other Families
Announcing
On Our Way to Normal, an e-book about our adoption journey, parenting
traumatized kids, and homeschooling children with attachment issues.
Why We Wrote This Book...
Adoption is an emotional decision. Many
times the decision to adopt follows on the heals of reconciling the
fact that you can't have a baby naturally. Sometimes people
decide to adopt because they feel it is the right thing to do.
There are lots of reasons people decide to adopt.
We got some very good advice from our first caseworker about asking
good questions. Because of his advice, we feel the placement
of our children fit what we could handle. (Albeit, at the time we
weren't sure!) We made a firm decision these kids would be
our family members no matter what they did before we even knew them.
More importantly, we carefully thought through what we were willing to
face and didn't feel guilty about turning down opportunities to take in
children.
We can save
you and a hurt child the heartache of a failed adoption by helping you
to know what questions to
ask
that MUST have answers before you agree to a placement. Don't
let the emotion of the moment dictate your answer--what you do will
affect not only you, but the child you send back if things don't go as
planned.
This is why good questions are so important and why knowing other
people's stories is valuable. I'm going to give you a glimpse of
our story and
our hope by placing a blog post here that I wrote in
response to a parent who accepted the placement of a child who suffered
from severe attachment challenges.
I
don't know if she asked the right questions but if she had asked them
and gotten straight answers, she may never have found herself in this
situation.
This
mom felt her only choice was to return her child to the system after
being told by therapists this two year old girl could not be helped.
If you have never lived with a child like this you can't
possibly know the anguish your family goes through during the initial
year after placement. My response to "Sarah" gives insight
into our story and to why asking good questions is so important. Sarah,
like many adoptive parents (remember the woman who sent her child back
to Russia on an airplane, alone?) knew she was making her child's life
even worse by giving her back but she didn't feel she had a choice.
"My heart breaks for you and what
you have been through. I'm so sorry. I can't
imagine what you are feeling and yet, can relate to an extent, as there
were many moments during the first year we had our kids when I wondered
if we could continue.
We adopted two
children three years ago at the ages of five and six, and although
their behaviors didn't go as far as your daughter's, my daughter bit
me, punched me, and raged at me nearly every day for months.
My son threw whatever objects were nearby when a tantrum hit, and told
my oldest, bio son he wanted to cut him into pieces. Lovely.
Nothing could have
prepared us for the deep pain our family was exposed to as a result of
welcoming these two emotionally damaged children into our
family. We slept outside their bedroom on an air mattress for
months so our son would not fall down the stairs during one of his
night terrors, that would go on sometimes for hours throughout the
night. Plus, though they didn't really want to bond with us,
they also didn't want us out of their sight for fear they would be left
alone. Sleep deprived and depressed, I wondered if we had
done the right thing.
We were feeling
pretty hopeless until we discovered some alternative solutions at
a foster care training our private agency
sponsored. Within weeks of implementing these techniques
(which do NOT involve holding a child against her will) we saw major
progress. Today,
people that knew our children when they moved in over three years ago
can hardly believe they are the same kids. I'm
even able to homeschool them successfully."
As
you can see, we have had the experiences necessary to lead you through
the fire--to help you be successful, not only in the preliminary things
like adoption interviews and home studies--but with the most important
part, which is starting your kids on the road to healing. If
you don't have the skills necessary to raise children who have been
emotionally scarred, you sell them short by bringing them into your
home. That is why you need to know where to begin.
Face it, it's
hard to find
the
information you need many times and even harder to find a product that
presents information in an interesting and relevant way. We
don't like that kind of thing either so here's
what you'll find in our
book:
-
How to decide between
fostering
through the county or
an agency. This can make a difference in how
quickly you get
a
placement and how much heartache you go through before you get to
adopt. Find this topic in the first pages of the book in chapter 1.
-
How much does it cost
to adopt
through foster care--it
isn't free so find out who pays for it and how much
it will cost you.
-
How to prepare
emotionally for
adoption. Do you have what it takes? This is a
very important question! We discuss
this on page 21.
-
How to be proactive
in
getting a
placement. Did you know there are
children waiting to be adopted by a family just like yours?
Where do
you find these kids? How can you apply to adopt them?
Find out on pages 16-18.
-
You may get called
into
an
interview for a child who is
awaiting adoption. Find
out how to get the leg up and shine
in
your interview. Page 18.
-
Hearing someone
else's
story can
answer questions you
didn't even know you had. We
dedicate and entire section of
the
book, starting on page 35 to our story and how we specifically dealt
with the
special challenges our family faced during that time.
-
What
happens after the placement? What if
your new
children have
attachment disorders? Find out in our section entitiled
Parenting Our Adopted Children.
- Are
there special techniques I'll need to know to be a successful parent of
my adopted child? YES! And we give a detailed
list of ways
you
can connect, effective training strategies, and resources to find more
in depth help from professionals, starting on page 44.
-
What
about siblings? Will my current children ever
get along with
our
new children? How do you deal with sibling rivalry?
This
question is so important! We have an entire chapter about
sibling
relationships with tips about cultivating positive feelings between
your children, and considering our boys are now best friends, I'd say
our strategies are working! Page 57
-
What
about school? I've heard foster kids often
struggle in
school--how can I help my new child? We'll tell you how we helped our
son get through his required attendence in public school throughout the
book.
-
What if I
want to
homeschool? Or what if I don't know what I want
to
do? There are two full chapters at the end of
the book dedicated to homeschooling. (If you still need more
information about that topic, you can visit
homeschoolbehaviorproblems.com and join our Parent to Parent Resource
Club for families homeschooling adopted kids.) What solution did we find that helped us turn the corner?
Discover what we learned at the special foster care training that most
agencies won't tell you. Find out how the information we learned that
day eventually helped us turn the corner and overcome the severe
behaviors we were experiencing in our home.
I know this may seem wierd, but we want
to also be honest with you about what you WON'T find in our book:
- Comprehensive
information about effectively parening adopted kids--but we do lead you
to the right resources once we get you started.
-
Comprehensive information
covering all the issues in every state having to do with foster care.
We adopted in Indiana and that is the state we are familiar
with. Our book does not contain legal information or advice.
-
Parenting advice
about raising kids with disorders such as Autism or Fetal Alcohol
Syndrome. Although we believe our information to be valuable
to this group of parents, we have never dealt with those disorders
in our home.
This
book has so much valuable information!
Plus,
it's not boring. Ug.
Our goal
is to
see kids placed in homes with parents who know how to start them on the
road to
healing. Unfortunately, love isn't enough.
Parents
have to
have special knowledge to guide children with emotional issues as
severe as many children who are adopted from foster care and orphanages
overseas.
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100%
No Questions Asked
Money Back Guarantee
Order totally risk-free. If
you are unhappy with the book in any way, please return it with in 30
days after receipt and you will receive a prompt, courteous
refund.
No harm done. No hard
feelings. And we still part friends.
Remember,
this is an e-book--a downloadable file. You will not receive anything
in the mail!!!
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And For Buying the Book Today I'm Offering Four Special Bonuses--
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Bonus 1 (Value: $14.99) Free
Lying E-book from the Post Institute for Regulatory Family Therapy
This book takes you step by step through the issues surrounding lying
and how to overcome this annoying and destructive habit.
Bryan Post is one of the foremost leaders in attachment
therapy and has been successfully treating children in families for the
last 15 years. You won't want to miss this valuable resource.
Every adoptive parent should read it!
Bonus
2
(Value: $9.99) Free audio interview with Ken Thom
Ken works with adoptive families who are struggling with attachment
problems and has a heart for children. His insight is
invaluable for Christians especially-- who wonder how they can parent
Biblically without spanking. Ken explains how scripture is
full of examples of disciplining with understanding instead of
punishment. His perspective is very helpful.
Bonus
3 (Value: $14.99) Free Parenting Journal from the Post
Institute
The Post Institute produces a quality newsletter
that contains articles from therapists, teachers, and parents working
in the trenches with traumatized children. In this issue of
the Parenting Journal you will glean mounds of information integral to
success with your newly adopted children.
Bonus
4 (Value: $10 ) 30 Days Free Hands On Parenting E-mail
newsletter
Adoption and education tips helping moms and dads parent more
effectively and work through behavior issues.
This is a weekly publication you won't want to miss!
Valuable and timely advice on adoption preparation, foster
care issues, oversees adoption issues, post adoption
questions, educational tips and more!
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That's
nearly $50 in free stuff if you buy today! It's
like an adoption tool kit! If you are considering adoption, this group
of resources will be INVALUABLE. If you are parenting already
and struggling--you'll find the encouragement and information you need
to get your family on the road to healing.
The Bottom Line...
Many resources read like self help series and are so dry
you can't get
through them. Others have great stories but no meat--nothing
to take away in order to make your life better. Our book has both information and
interest because we didn't feel there was a way give
information without telling our story. It is both interesting
and valuable as a guidebook.
Because
we want to ensure this resource gets read by anyone who needs it, we're
making it available here (along with four very valuable bonuses) for a
price everyone can afford--just $29.95 for the ebook and the four
bonuses (read description above).
This is less than you would pay for a nice pair of jeans or a
meal out with your family. A small price to pay for the
volume of information contained in the pages of this book.
So here is what
you need to
do...
You need to click
on the order button below to download your book.
Remember, you get the book immediately for only
$29.95--A STEAL when you consider all the information you will receive.
(And your free bonuses..)
So, go on, order now and I'll see you on the other side...
Warmly,
Sandra Nardoni
P.S. - Everything
you need
to get started in your adoption journey is here!...What Are You
Waiting For?
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